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butterflyMy primary 'shipping tendencies tend toward 'friendship first', with a couple of exceptions. My current favorite 'ship is Damon/Elena from The Vampire Diaries.
I think that the couples of mine that most closely align to D/E are Fraser/Kowalski, Buffy/Xander, the version of Lois/Clark that is specific to Smallville, and Doctor/Rose (there's also Joey/Pacey, but I'm disqualifying it because it's from another Kevin Williamson show. But I do love them).
What draws me to each of these couples (and Damon/Elena) is a particular type of passionate intensity. It's something that both snaps into place and yet also builds. That - "oh. there you are" feeling. Unconscious boundary-crossing. A sense that trust happens almost against will or at least without active will. This can settle in different ways - Buffy/Xander became very good, close friends, Fraser/Kowalski rode the line between friendship and more and is subtextually canonized (they ride off together for 'adventures') as a partnership that is akin to a marriage, and Lois/Clark and Doctor/Rose are both canonical romantic relationships that get happy endings (well, both a happy and a sad ending for D/R).
But even in the relationships where the romance is stressed (L/C and D/R), the first and primary connection is a friendship and a partnership. They can work together really well to accomplish what they need to do. That's something that really appeals to me in a relationship (side note: this is one of the main places where Stefan/Elena falls down for me - they keep making each other act like idiots and it drives me crazy. Case in point: the fake break-up. WTF? What the actual fuck?). Lois & Clark and Fraser & Kowalski are official partners in work, and this is something that supplements their friendship and their 'something more'.
There's also an element of enjoying the 'slow burn'. One of the reasons that I like Smallville's version of Lois & Clark even better than other versions was because, though the attraction was there from day one, the relationship was built up slowly. At first, they got on each other's nerves. They graduated to becoming actual, genuine friends and just got closer and closer from that point on. Fraser and Kowalski was a lot of heavy subtext (and, I think if Paul Gross had made the show a few years later, he would have just made it text) and it also built and deepened and became this beautiful thing.
Xander is attracted to Buffy right away, but the friendship became more important to him than any potential relationship.
There's also the idea that love heals and inspires - with the Doctor, he was very damaged when Rose came into his life. And she reminded him why he cared about individual humans. She was a beacon of humanity to him, much in the way that Elena has become one to Damon (and, like Rose learned how to think outside human morality and take into account alien morality, Elena has taken quite a lot of vampire morality on board).
Above all else, I never felt shortchanged on the journey for any of these pairings. I got to see all the steps that led to where they ended up. That's a huge part of things for me in a series (movies, I'm more lenient on, because of time constraints - on the other hand, that's the issue that I have with Spock/Uhura in the new Trek movie; it doesn't feel earned to me). I want the how and the why. I want to see Rose look over at the Doctor as he gives his 'world is spinning' speech and know that she can never forget him; I want to have that moment where Fraser explains to Kowalski why he knows that Ray is a good man; I want Clark catching Lois's fist in his hand as he realizes that she's been using that friendly shoulder smack as a way of distancing herself from her growing affection for him.
And I like the messiness, too. That makes the relationships feel more real for me. Let them fight and let me see what they're like when they fight and how long it takes them to forgive each other. Fraser and Kowalski punch each other and nearly break up (the partnership) in order to get on to the next level of their friendship. Buffy and Xander are never afraid to yell at each other and clear the air. The Doctor and Rose have a few no-holds-barred fights, and Clark and Lois have definitely had their arguments.
Those are all elements that I see and like in Damon/Elena, too.
I think that the couples of mine that most closely align to D/E are Fraser/Kowalski, Buffy/Xander, the version of Lois/Clark that is specific to Smallville, and Doctor/Rose (there's also Joey/Pacey, but I'm disqualifying it because it's from another Kevin Williamson show. But I do love them).
What draws me to each of these couples (and Damon/Elena) is a particular type of passionate intensity. It's something that both snaps into place and yet also builds. That - "oh. there you are" feeling. Unconscious boundary-crossing. A sense that trust happens almost against will or at least without active will. This can settle in different ways - Buffy/Xander became very good, close friends, Fraser/Kowalski rode the line between friendship and more and is subtextually canonized (they ride off together for 'adventures') as a partnership that is akin to a marriage, and Lois/Clark and Doctor/Rose are both canonical romantic relationships that get happy endings (well, both a happy and a sad ending for D/R).
But even in the relationships where the romance is stressed (L/C and D/R), the first and primary connection is a friendship and a partnership. They can work together really well to accomplish what they need to do. That's something that really appeals to me in a relationship (side note: this is one of the main places where Stefan/Elena falls down for me - they keep making each other act like idiots and it drives me crazy. Case in point: the fake break-up. WTF? What the actual fuck?). Lois & Clark and Fraser & Kowalski are official partners in work, and this is something that supplements their friendship and their 'something more'.
There's also an element of enjoying the 'slow burn'. One of the reasons that I like Smallville's version of Lois & Clark even better than other versions was because, though the attraction was there from day one, the relationship was built up slowly. At first, they got on each other's nerves. They graduated to becoming actual, genuine friends and just got closer and closer from that point on. Fraser and Kowalski was a lot of heavy subtext (and, I think if Paul Gross had made the show a few years later, he would have just made it text) and it also built and deepened and became this beautiful thing.
Xander is attracted to Buffy right away, but the friendship became more important to him than any potential relationship.
There's also the idea that love heals and inspires - with the Doctor, he was very damaged when Rose came into his life. And she reminded him why he cared about individual humans. She was a beacon of humanity to him, much in the way that Elena has become one to Damon (and, like Rose learned how to think outside human morality and take into account alien morality, Elena has taken quite a lot of vampire morality on board).
Above all else, I never felt shortchanged on the journey for any of these pairings. I got to see all the steps that led to where they ended up. That's a huge part of things for me in a series (movies, I'm more lenient on, because of time constraints - on the other hand, that's the issue that I have with Spock/Uhura in the new Trek movie; it doesn't feel earned to me). I want the how and the why. I want to see Rose look over at the Doctor as he gives his 'world is spinning' speech and know that she can never forget him; I want to have that moment where Fraser explains to Kowalski why he knows that Ray is a good man; I want Clark catching Lois's fist in his hand as he realizes that she's been using that friendly shoulder smack as a way of distancing herself from her growing affection for him.
And I like the messiness, too. That makes the relationships feel more real for me. Let them fight and let me see what they're like when they fight and how long it takes them to forgive each other. Fraser and Kowalski punch each other and nearly break up (the partnership) in order to get on to the next level of their friendship. Buffy and Xander are never afraid to yell at each other and clear the air. The Doctor and Rose have a few no-holds-barred fights, and Clark and Lois have definitely had their arguments.
Those are all elements that I see and like in Damon/Elena, too.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-17 02:49 am (UTC)Elena wants Damon to be a good man and she will try and get him to do things - which worked for awhile, but now Damon is more prone to say 'hey, I won't just do something because YOU say so' and likewise, Elena won't believe the worst of Damon.
In some ways they are a lot closer, but in others they are working out what that means.
But, as Elena said 'they have something' and they force the other to try and DO things and not sit back and let life pass them by.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-17 02:52 am (UTC)Yes, like, with the broccoli test - Damon would know that Elena wants the broccoli but if he's pissed off, he'll purposefully buy cabbage instead or he'll buy the broccoli, she'll want it, but she'll refuse to admit that she wants it so he has to eat it all by himself.
... the point being that he would know that she wants broccoli. Ha.
It's a 'work in progress', as Damon said. They have this instinctive understanding of each other, but both of them prickle against it at various points.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-17 03:21 am (UTC)It's made a bit more touchy because Damon loves Elena, and she is aware that he has feelings for her (but of course doesn't remember his confession) and yet Damon is not pushing those boundaries. It's an example of him choosing to do the right thing and not expecting to be rewarded for it.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-17 03:24 am (UTC)He's getting better at those!
(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-17 10:45 am (UTC)I like seeing the writers work it out and give us concrete reasons these people become close friends and/or begin to feel romantically about each other. I want to be involved in the process, otherwise it's hard for me to get emotionally invested.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-17 12:06 pm (UTC)Exactly. And I've been able to get emotionally invested in both Stefan and Elena as individual characters, but not so much as a couple. It feels like they raced past all the building blocks of the relationship, so it feels unsteady/unreal to me.